BED REST IS OVER-RATED

Watching birds with The Kitten

By July 3 fatigue was setting in. Not so much that I was really tired but I was becoming short of breath. I started Ibuprofen Friday evening and kept it up as needed. Basically I slept until the next Friday. But I was ahead of the bad pain and only had a few aches. I'm calling this the flat-on-your-back-unable-to-rise phase. I woke in the morning knowing I was hungry and needed to eat. First I had to summon the energy to get up and go to the kitchen holding lightly to the furniture and breathing hard as I slowly went. One morning I scrambled two eggs and had to go back to bed to rest before I had the energy to eat. Some mornings I was able to sit on the porch for a little bit before going back to bed.

This fatigue thing is no fun. It is difficult to accept. I know I need to get up and do things but I have not the stamina and sometimes I can't even call up the strength to think of the things I should do. I am learning to accept this part and keep my spirits up (what would I do without Facebook, my window to the world?). Slapping me in bed is how the body reacts to diverting all the energy it can to repairing damage and replacing cells.

Saturday was not a happy night. Lots of moving from the bed to the recliner and back again, finally falling asleep in the chair. I woke Sunday morning to Smokey and Buddy perched on the bed staring at me. I had the phone near and it was just too cute a photo to miss.

I could move around more by July 8, but not able to stay up for long. Took a shower, did laundry, and changed the sheets on Saturday. Went to Publix today - July 12 - the first time out of the house and driving since July 2. Saving gas and wear and tear on my car!

I think when I get to feeling normal again, probably early 2016, I  won't ever think I'm so tired that I want to sleep for days. I've done that and it ain't much fun.

WHILING AWAY THE HOURS
I've almost mastered downloading audio books from the library. I occasionally hit the wrong button which messes everything up. For now I'm listening to books I've already read. What's the point you ask? Now I can listen in chronological order and if I fall asleep during the reading, it's okay. They do help me to fall asleep.

I thought about the many cross-country trips I took back in the 1990s in my van. Camping and seeing friends and beautiful places. Hiking in the desert and mountains and forests. Visiting museums. I have many more places to see. 2016 might be my travel year.

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY OPOSSUMS!
I have a lot of ticks at my place. I hate ticks but I know they are part of the food web so I only go after them when they are on me or a pet. When I learned that opossums are great tick eradicators I contacted Florida Wild Mammal for some opossums. It happened that they had some ready for a soft release and all I needed was a cage. Ha. Well, Scott and Aimee built a gorgeous cage over several days. We call it the 'Possum Palace". The opossums are not quite half grown and will be ready to be set free tomorrow. Setting them free is simply opening the door and hope they disperse to the woods around my house and hoover up little things in the leaf litter.

Although opossums look rather scruffy and scary, they are pretty gentle. They are clean and while grooming if they find a tick, they eat it. Not many critters do that. They just look that way in hopes that you'll leave them along. Learn more here http://www.opossum.org/facts.htm.

WONDER WOMAN PHASE

I think today I'm entering the Wonder Woman Phase. At least is seems that way compared to the past 10 days. I hope this feeling lasts until the next treatment on July 22. Each time I'm better prepared to accept and deal with my body's reaction to the chemo drugs. My fingers and toes are more tingly so I can't always feel what I'm trying to pick up. If I wear fuzzy socks at night my feet stay warm and don't ache but my toes are still numb. I don't have many taste buds left so sometimes food does not appeal even though I am hungry. Sometimes I get cravings! Today's craving was apple pie. I can almost always get down a baked potato or eggs and now I have a freezer well-stocked with Amy's frozen food. The Publix on Crawfordville Highway has a great selection, better than any other Publix I've seen in Tallahassee. Sometimes what I crave today may not be what I want tomorrow.  I'm not craving Oreos and Snickers right now but I'm keeping my stash just in case. Not really having the energy to prepare fresh food now and having erratic dietary wants means that the frozen food is a less expensive choice in the long run. I also bought Campbell's vegetarian vegetable and cream of mushroom soup because they are the comfort food of my childhood and I can dredge up that memory of how they taste and how much I loved that warm soup from a can.

And now I must go feed my opossums! I started with four but one seems to have squeezed out of the small openings by the roof. I think there are three left but I usually only see two at the time. Aren't they just the cutest little things? Well, I think so.

ROUGH WATERS
Our little boat hit some squalls but did not capsize. Had a nice dinner at Bella Bella with family on Thursday June 18. Boy Howdy, that Eggplant sure tasted good but tomato sauce is definitely off my food list for the next few months. Agony that night! I felt like hot coals were pouring through my intestines and burning a hole in my stomach. No rest and a lot of pain.

A bit better in the morning but called the Cancer Center for advice. Tums, it appears would be the answer. Surely everyone in America has them handy, right? For 66 years and some odd months I have no need of an antacid that I can remember. Cast iron stomach. Able to eat anything, except spoiled food, but you know, you throw up and move on. Tummy is maybe a little tender but take it easy until all better again.

I now have a container of Tums. O, joy.

The weekend was not very productive. I rested a lot and didn't eat much. Robin came and got me on Saturday and took me to town for grocery shopping and another haircut. My hair was still firmly attached but soon, I knew, it would begin coming out.



Dianne and me on the front porch. Can you see
the family resemblance?

Tired on Sunday and managed (just barely) to get ready for my cousin Dianne and her husband Joe who arrived Sunday afternoon with tools and skills to finish some projects. My wonderful cousins got so much done while they were here - probably a good thing I was not in their way!



Dianne and Joe on the freshly painted front porch. The front
door looks so much larger with the screened door painted red too.



Joe only meant to add a top rail but he
ended up redoing the entire deck railing.
Looks fabulous Dahling!

White cabinets and hood painted
with chalk board paint. Lovely.

Fatigue continued into Monday, extremely sluggish and not much appetite. The evening brought on a whole new pain. All night constant aching muscles and bones. Not moving like The Hooligans, just a steady all over aching. Again, no rest. Called the Cancer Center on Monday. Tylenol should do the trick. No, I don't have Tylenol - Advil, aspirin, Aleve, but no Tylenol. Luckily Dianne had to run out for supplies so she brought back Tylenol. Tuesday pretty much a bust.

Don't come to my house expecting first aid. The band aids are probably 20 years old.


Sada ready for the whack
 job. No more Woody
Woodpecker look

By Wednesday recovery began. Appetite coming back. Time to wash my hair so I do the tug test. Whoops! A couple of dozen strands come out. I think I have been waiting and dreading this day for some weeks. How will I react? How will I feel with no hair? How will other people look at me? Can I learn to tie a scarf? (no) Will I look like Rick Scott?

Helen comes down to take me to town for the big shave. I think I'm ready but who knows? I might burst into tears. I don't but it's a tense moment. I can't watch the actual shaving. I was told my scalp would be sensitive since it's been protected by hair for lo, these many years, but it isn't. Oddly there is still stubble so now I have Velcro head. Scarves and hats stick when removed. In any case, I am actually more comfortable bald although I will wear a hat if I'm out in the sun for very long.

GOOD REASONS TO BE BALD
Bald is beautiful.
Save time and money - hair products, hair cuts, washing hair, fussing with hair (much to my mother's dismay I really did not do much of that once I got out of high school)
People jump to help a bald woman because they know it means cancer. Most of the time I can handle stuff but every now and then I need the help.

MY BODY IS LIKE A CAR WITH A BROKEN GAS GUAGE
Chemo therapy is more than some pain and fatigue. There are all sorts of other mixed signals along the way. For instance my balance is a little off but I haven't fallen yet. My conversations wander all over the place even more than usual and sometimes I just can't think of words quickly enough.

Did you ever have a car or know someone who had a car with a broken gas gauge? You had to remember how many miles you could get from a tank of gas and remember to reset the gauge after getting gas. Well, my bladder no longer sends a signal that it's full so I have to judge by the amount of water I drink. Haha. This adventure is such fun. You just have to roll with it and laugh.

SECOND CHEMO ON WEDNESDAY JULY 1
We had some pretty bad storms up in Tallahassee but my power went out about 6:30 on Tuesday evening, June 30. It wasn't on by the time I went to bed and I was worried that without the alarm clock I might oversleep. I sent a text to Robin to call me early and she did which was good because the power was still off in the morning. With a gas stove at least I could heat water for coffee.

Now you can ask, "Gail, don't you have an alarm on your phone?" "Yes, but I don't know how to use it and besides if I can sleep through the phone ringing surely I could sleep through an alarm, but when the BBC goes off on the radio and I have to cross the room to turn it off, I'm UP."

Helen was early to get me and we arrived at the Cancer Center on time. Lab work, see the doc, and chemo all on the same day. I learned that the drugs are really only in my system for the first 2 days or so and the rest of the time the pain and fatigue are my body's response to the damage. When I'm tired my appetite goes down but I still need to try and eat something and I must rest. This is not a fatigue to push through this is a need to let my body work on making new cells. I think I have a better handle on how to handle the pain - ibuprofen for joint pain and Tylenol for skeletal/muscular pain and take as soon as the inkling of pain begins to get ahead of the pain. The doc, I think, is pleased so far but it's early in the game. My blood pressure was much lower so no blood pressure medicine. I'm cleared for treatment so Helen and I lug our stuff over to the infusion room.

I'm not real sure why people want to get up super early to drive down to Woodville to get me and then spend the better part of their day watching me sleep but I'm glad for them!

Taxol!

We check in, and wait a few minutes before we are called back. We get settled in and wait. They do not order any meds until I am cleared for treatment but the pharmacy is pretty fast and soon the anti nausea meds are dripping. This time lunch comes just a bit before the Benadryl starts so I get about a third of the salad down before I hand the container to Helen and say, "I can't eat anymore because I can't lift the fork." She takes it and I drop off. She goes out to run errands and eat lunch. I wake up to pee about the time she came back. How was lunch? She tells me and I'm gone again and don't wake up until they tell me I'm done and they start unhooking me. She was amazed at how fast I went down after the Benadryl started. Yep, I'm a druggie.

Scott called from my house to say that the power is still not on. I ask Helen to stop for ice on the way home in case I can salvage anything from the fridge.

Helen and I pack stuff in the coolers with the ice and she leaves only to call in few minutes to say that the utility trucks are out and I should have power soon. Sure enough it's back on in an hour. I'm too tired to empty the coolers so leave them for morning.

Now it's Thursday, the day after treatment. I feel pretty good although a little tired. I take care of the coolers and do some laundry and go to town to have lunch with Linda at the Pitaria (YUM!). I went to a friend's house for a lie down before hitting Publix.

If all goes like last time Friday night should be the return of The Hooligans but I am ready this time - at least I hope I am.

I am trying new technology - downloading audio books from the library. When I'm tired and don't feel like holding a real book at least I can listen to one.

I hope you all have a safe and food-filled 4th of July. I think I'm going to be a little under the weather but it'll pass. At least I do not resemble Rick Scott at all.

Fuck cancer.